Text

my mother
her mouth set
into a thin line
her back straight
told me to
stay away from
boys
not to be a
dirty girl
her finger shook
in my face
i didn't ask
her any questions
just swallowed
down her words
and smiled

when patty from
next door came
by my mother
gave her lemonade
and cookies
my face turned a
dull red
we were eleven
not five
in the basement
we played
sprawled across
the couches
my skirt rode
up
patty put her
hand on my thigh
her mouth was
lipglossed
'want to practice?'

someday boys
would touch our
developing breasts
breathe the smell
of gum into our
hair
until then patty
kissed my parted
lips
she tasted like
lipgloss with
an undertaste of
lemonade

when she pulled
my skirt up my
mouth was
cotton dry
her hands were
sticky
later as she
smiled up
from between
my thighs
her lips shiny
i lay boneless
against the leather
of the couch
my breath whispered
in and out of my
mouth
i could not find
the right words
so i giggled
both of us laughed
and that laughter
was good

before we went
back upstairs
i kissed
her mouth
it tasted different
she pulled
back and frowned
'i heard jake likes you'
i was pleased
'really?'
mother would
not like that
no boys
there was still
patty and her
hands
the way they
slid up between
my thighs
fingers sure of
themselves
playing me

that fall we played
until patty found
a boyfriend
he had hair that
flopped across
his forehead
and bad breath
she liked to hold
his hand
mother sniffed about
that girl
only eleven and
going out with
boys
i better not let
a boy touch me
hear?
i said, 'yes, mama'