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i'd never really seen him broken. i could picture him sad or angry or a multitude of other emotions but not broken. not like an egg that's been dropped to the floor, leaking yellow center. i had thought he would weep or cry out but all he did was stare with green eyes that seemed to have frosted over in the night.

it all seemed so stupid, somehow. the worrying over umbridge and the disdain some students had for harry. they all had been very sympathetic at the end of the school year. very sympathetic, indeed. they had smiled and waved at him. he had never responded. hardly even looked up when his name was called, as if there were a heavy weight about his neck. a millstone.

grimmauld place was always so dark; more shadows seemed to have crept in over the past few months. they settled under everyone's eyes. when harry was brought back from the dursley's his face had been pinched. the corners of his mouth had twitched when he had seen me, as if he had been trying to smile. instead he had hugged me, his arms seeming to both clutch and push away.

professor lupin had seemed to age months since i had last seen him. his face was lined and shadowed. when he spoke the words seemed to drift and settle like ashes. the shabbiness of his attire was more pronounced, he did not seem to mind the wrinkles in his pants. he had tried to talk to harry at first. his lips stretching into a smile a trifle too large but harry had only listened and not spoken. words seemed too much effort.

ron and i would fight. i used words he could not understand and he would tease. when i snapped at him the look in his eyes was glad. i could understand. it was easier with ron acting like he always had. sometimes a serious look would come into his eyes and my mouth would suddenly be too dry, as if all the spit had gone.

it was tonks who took us to the station. at the door remus said goodbye to harry. when he bent his head i noticed that the gray in his hair was almost complete.

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when harry stopped coming into the common room i worried and asked ron about him. ron said harry had been studying very hard. that he spent hours poring over books of all sizes. i looked into ron's unsmiling face and saw my thoughts reflected in his eyes.

potions was very much the same. i would raise my hand and snape would sneer. harry sat dry eyed and loathing. it was the only strong emotion i saw in him. his hand would clench around his quill. never did he make a mistake, though. his very life seemed to depend on making a perfect potion. as much as snape sneered he could not find fault.

when hagrid mentioned to me that he was missing animals i didn't think much of it. instead i thought of the way harry had looked almost frightened when fang had jumped on him when he had last visited hagrid. he refused to visit afterwards. i told hagrid that harry had a lot on his mind and didn't have time to visit anymore. i almost believed myself when i used that rational tone of voice. hagrid only looked sad.

dumbledore asked after harry regularly and i could tell him nothing new. it was almost a routine, a useless one.

when the dark mark spread like impending death over the sky i looked for harry but he was nowhere to be found. only students gathered like frightened animals, mindless. i was mindless with them, groping for ron's hand as i watched the skies.