Text

i want to
fucking bash
your head
in
i want to see
you bleed
my hands are
curved into
claws
i turn them
on myself

i can't hurt
you
even though
the sting of
your words
lies with
me
i take it into
my bed at
night and
curl myself
around its
icy edges

i stand at
a precipice
the wind blows
my hair
the black nothingness
lies before me
leering
waiting to swallow
me up

i turn away
and walk and
walk until there
is only the
cold light
of stars on
my bowed head

i look at myself
in the mirror
and trace the outlines
of my bones
i will bow to the
goddess of
self-destruction
i will take out
my rosary of
shiny blades and
say the prayer
offering my blood
to you

fuck the goddess
a pretty name that
means nothing
there is no
goddess of
self-destruction
all there is
is me
poised with
a blade in
hand
and blood
trickling from
my weeping wrists

i lie in
a bath
the water is
a shiny red
i take it
into my mouth
and taste
there are few
things that a
hot bath can't
cure

the lord is
my shepherd
i shall not want
i shall not want
i shall not want

i want everything

lack of cohesiveness
what is this
about?
blood - check
purging - no
hatred - check
i'm losing my mind - check

i want to hack
myself into tiny
bits
my blood
spilling onto
the dark earth
a red rain
offering the bitter
promise of life

look at what you've
done to me?
is that a
question?
you've done
nothing
i've done
everything

i am cold and
dead inside
i feel no passion
i feel no pain
i am an empty
vessel waiting
to be washed away
by a blow
from your breath

but
there is
there is
something
i care for him
he lights up
my day
hearing from
him makes
the shadows
paler

it brings a
smile to
me

i treasure it

not love
certainly not
that
he fills up the
cold loneliness
that rattles
around in my head

maybe one day
i'll tell him

until then
i'll wait and
watch and bleed

i'm a coward