Text

fear is sharp
it cuts
deep furrows
in thought
and mind
it babbles
in a high
pitched scream
that breaks
glass

glass like the
one you
broke in
secret
dropped while
everyone
is asleep
its slivers
shone in
the moonlight
wanting to
share their
secrets
wanting to
taste your
skin with
their hungry
mouths
it laps up
blood with
a shiny
clear tongue
and it is
sticky
with its greed

fear is back
it burns into
your mouth
tasting like
hot metal
hard against
your tongue
it counts the
ribs that
are exposed
when you stand
before the mirror
naked
looking at
non-existent
breasts and
big hips
wide like the
hips of those
women you see
eating
in restaurants
the ones with
happy, shiny
smiles and
warm
laughter
happy with
how they look
down to your
legs
two sticks
that are
covered
with fat and
flesh pale
from lack
of light
always encased
in pants
too big
1, 2, 3, 4...
count your
ribs
feel your
collarbone
it is hard and
you wiggle
the flesh
covering it
trying to
make sure its
not too
much


fear curls up
with you
when you sleep
it lies under
the blankets
and nips at
your toes
pounds into
your mind in
a great sweep
of an invisible
hammer
it lies in
your arms
where you
cradle it
like a baby
its your child
and you love it
its so cold
and it leaves
long red streaks
where it
touches your
skin
baby
i love you
i'm here
stay with me
close your eyes
and it follows
into your dreams
dreams with
skies black
with blood
and filled with
shapes that
chase you
and rip at
your flesh

fear is there
when you open
your eyes to
the sun
it hurts to
look at that
light
it burrows into
your heart and
leaves a gaping
hole
it knows that its
the beginning
of a new day
walk around
at school
with it safe
under your skin
it rips and
tears so that
invisible tears
gather in your
head

does he see it?
he stares at you
and he asks
looking at your
white shocked
face
you say nothing
to him
only smile with
the fear
behind your lips
bitter in
your mouth
for you
cannot tell
him that he
makes you want
to scream and
scream until he
goes away
scream with
your hands clapped
over your
ears
a mindless
creature
an animal trying
to protect itself
with the only
claws it has

you cruise through
school
half listening to
the teacher drone
on about t-scores
and means
half listening to
the fear whispering
in your empty
mind
a one lane highway
that leads
nowhere and
has no directions
it scratches
at your
arms until they
are bloody
and raw
the girl next
to you gasps
and you look
over at her
the fear gibbering
she looks
afraid and you
decide you
don't like her

back home
having spent
the past
hour holding
the steering
wheel in
white knuckled
hands
the house is empty
and you sit
before the blank
television
holding a candle
in your hand
you raise it
to your face
and light your
hair

the fear is over