Text

when parvati stretched her body just so i could see the outline of her areola pressed into the fabric of her nightgown. my fingers would itch and burn but i would not touch her. instead i laughed with her about seamus and agreed that he was handsome. i smiled at her, teeth glittering, and the effort hurt. the taste of my mouth was sour, it was lonely.

she wiped the lipstick off her mouth and it left a dark smear on her skin. i wanted to lower my face to her hand and smell it, sweet and sterile. i did not wear lipstick, only sweet cherry gloss. it left a shiny smear on the back of my hand, leaving behind the taste of artificial cherries in my mouth. i did not like that taste, i wanted her taste in my mouth. only hers.

at night i would listen to her breathe and i would listen to the solitary beat of my heat. sometimes i'd let my hand slip into my panties and draw tight circles on my clit. moving, moving my fingers until i came. her name would be a silent outline on my lips. i never dared speak it out loud.

it started in december. i saw padma, her cheeks red with cold, kissing susan bones. they were outside and the snow fell softly, it was caught in her dark hair. little pinpricks of white. she had susan pressed up against the wall and one leg was pressed between susan's thighs. they were dressed for winter, heavy cloaks and scarves but they may as well have been naked. i watched them and felt wetness between my thighs, it made my panties slick. susan was moaning and her mouth was a moist o that made her radiant. i left with my head down, skin jumping and a pulse beating hard in my neck.

when i next saw padma i smiled at her, my lips slick with lipgloss. i caught her eye and i could feel my teeth, hard, behind my lips. she smiled back at me, her eyes very dark. she was like parvati, only simpler. her mouth was unpainted but her eyelashes were still sooty. parvati saw her as well. she sighed, 'i wish padma would get interested in boys. all she thinks about are books, books, books. she doesn't even look at boys.' i grinned at her and agreed that it was a shame, my cheeks burned red.

the day padma sent me a note telling me to meet her in the room of requirement i felt a dark satisfaction in my heart. i thought of her cheeks red with cold as she kissed susan. i did not dress up when i went to meet her though my mouth was lipglossed. she was waiting for me patiently. lounging on a bed that looked far too comfortable. her legs were spread and i could see her pubic hair dark against her skin. her nipples were a dusky color and they were tight and hard. i climbed into bed with her and kissed her mouth. she tasted of lost dreams. this was how i wanted to kiss parvati. our tongues met and the artificial cherry flavor spread. it reminded me of the dark smear of lipstick on parvati's skin.

soon we were off the bed and against the wall. i fucked her ruthlessly. my mouth was hot and wet on her clit and my fingers shoved in and out of her. my nails scraped and my mouth had teeth. she turned her face away from me and her eyes were shut, her eyelashes dark on her cheeks. when i looked up i saw colorless tears spilling down. i stood up and with my wet-sticky mouth i licked them away, relishing their salty flavor. i kissed her for the second time and the taste was sweet and salty, artificial cherries dipped in her musky wetness. the tang of tears. my kiss was more like a bite and there was blood. i licked it away with my moist tongue and my swallow was audible.

she never said anything. only moaned and gripped my hair. her mouth parted and she mouthed a name. i could not see what it was, her mouth blurred red with blood. i punished her breasts with my tongue and teeth. her skin was slightly salty and so warm. i moved down her body, my mouth leaving a bloody trail. her breath was harsh, it came in sharp blasts. when my mouth was on her cunt her hands were heavy on my head. i fucked her as i would someone i hated. my mouth was a weapon i used to make her come but i wanted it to hurt.

when she came she did not scream or even moan. she makes an indistinct garbled sound that reminds me of mucus.

i straightened my clothes and left. i did not look back at her. only listened to the shuffle of my footsteps. her taste was on my lips, it was a different taste, so like and unlike my own. when i went back into my room everyone but parvati was asleep. her eyes were bright and she asked me eagerly, 'who were you with.' she was put out when i did not answer her question. i only smiled and slipped into my bed and pulled the sheets over my head.

we continued meeting over the months. i tied her, i beat her, i drew blood. i savored the taste of it, salty sweet and rich. my hands would bruise her thighs and she would only moan and grip my hair. her lips would form names that i did not read; i only attended to her breasts, belly and cunt. i once stuck a lollipop up her and licked and sucked it until she came. she had tasted sweet and sour.

the last night, she lay pale and naked next to me. my panties were somewhere down my ankles and my thighs glistened with come. she said, 'lavender. i can't meet you anymore. i've found someone.' my heart did not threaten to break. my eyes did not fill with tears. i only listened to her voice as she talked on and on. it sounded so much like parvati's voice. my body felt cold and numb. i pulled myself together, putting on my clothes. she still talked and her voice seemed to grow desperate. there were tears on her face as i left; i did not lick them off as i had done to so many others.

padma tried to catch my eye in the great hall the next day. there was a flush to her cheeks and she looked feverish. i coldly turned away from her and started talking to parvati. we giggled together and compared the nail polish we had put on this morning. hers was neater. my nails were already ragged, they looked out of place. i looked at the curve of her neck and the way skirt met thighs. she looked fragile though she was anything but that.

when the note came, 'i need to meet you. tonight,' i was not surprised. i looked across the hall at the gleam in padma's eyes and nodded sharply. in divination parvati and i looked into our teacups and looked for the future. i told her that i saw a boy in her life because that was what she wanted to hear. in mine she saw love but i did not dare contradict her. for she believed in this far more than i did. i believed because she believed.

that night my mouth was not lipglossed. i kissed padma with dry lips and when i bit down and blood spilled down my chin she only moaned and pressed her body against mine, as if seeking warmth. the smell of her filled me; my hands were hard on her shoulders. every rough stroke was punishment. every scratch of the nails she allowed was some sort of atonement for a sin i did not know. when she came as i shoved a wand up her cunt i read the name on her lips. 'parvati.'

we were joined in a cause. her sin was mine. i thought of the outline of parvati's areola underneath her nightgown and when i pressed my lips to padma's again they were gentle. she made a soft, surprised sound and said, 'don't.' she did not want my love.