Text

i used to smile
brightly at
friends and
close the door
tight behind
me when
they came to
pick me up
daddy was an
embarrassment
something to
hide in a closet
with bloody
fingerprints on the
walls
he stood there
along with
the razor blades
that skittered
across the
flesh of my
breasts

i remember
holding his hand
tightly when
crossing the
street
'watch out,
stupid'
whenever i would
almost trip
as if he were afraid
i would break
the tears that
fled in his wake
as if afraid
sometimes the
laughter was too
much
the bright
rages
'fucking idiot'

when the door
would click behind
me i was safe
they could not
seem him
see the bloody
gashes on his
arms as he thanked
me for teaching
him
i was a very
good teacher
the scars that ran
along my arm
were testament
to that
my final grade

the memories
that twist
in my gut
waiting to be
thrown up
words with their
sharp sounds that
cut at the ears
the dark look in
his eyes as he
told us to leave
knowing it might
be the end
the gas let loose
in the house
waiting for a spark
no tears

even as i begged
him to hit me
to scream at me
to hurt me
i hid him from
the world like a
messy room
like a bumbling
father with a silly
hat covering his
bald pate
nobody would
understand
seeing the blood
run down his
face and seeing
myself reflected
in his eyes
seeing the tip
of my tongue
ready to pronounce
words full of hate

he is me and
i am him

the door clicks
behind me and
i can pretend
for one more day

one more day