Text

i look
at you
and wonder
my hand
shakes when
i take the
candy
'never take
candy from
strangers' i
was always told

are you going
to hurt me?
behind your
affability
is there a
smile of
contempt a
desire to
break me

i wonder
shame makes
me regret my
doubts

why can't i
smile and say
'thank you' in
a smooth
cool voice
and not have
fear itching at
my mind

why can't i
trust
why?

i look to
the past
he took
me and
polluted me
with his
love
dirtied me
with the
touch of his
hands on my
skin

or how about
the other
his words making
pinpricks in
my skin
bleeding in
their aftermath
saying 'goodbye'
forever and ever
fuck you
for trying
to leave
me when
i need you so much

'selfish'
the word whispers
in my head
if i can swallow
pills of poison
you can make
this house
and yourself
little more
than useless
rubble
and smears
of blood

i try
to rip
and tear the
past into
tiny strips
so that
i can look
at you and
smile inside
when you
say something
instead of
wondering

wondering when
you will make
me pay
for your
attention
what price?

pathetic whore