Text

looking into
those dark eyes
wondering what
she thought
wondering how
she felt
they stare back
flat
nothing but
paper

touch her
face
with your
fingers
tracing the
curve of
her neck
stroking
the face
lit with
joy
the eyes
alive

was this
Before?
before he
had touched
her
slipped his
fingers between
her legs
forced her
head
down on him

was this
before
he made
dirty her
flesh
before he
stole
pieces of
her
and gave her
back
nothing but
dirt

was i like
that?
happy
not filled
with
fear and
not waiting
for the next
betrayal

this was
before i held
shards of
glass in my
hands
before i
painted the
walls of my room
in brilliant
red
before the first
time my
fingers caressed
the back of
my throat
before i
woke up one
morning and
vomited and vomited
and vomited
up pills
hands flat on the
ground
body heaving
helpless
before
before
before the death
of her
happiness

this was
a girl
that would
hold out
her tiny
hands so that
she would
be lifted up
and held
a girl who
would
walk unsteadily
holding onto her
teddy bear
speaking in
a high
sweet voice
asking for
love
and receiving it

i want that
back i
wish i could
remember
i hold nothing
but a
picture
in my hands
and am filled
with a bitter
longing

it slips
out from
between
my fingertips
it doesn't
matter
i have lost
that girl
forever
forever