Text

tears taste
of my blood
and my hopes
crushed underneath
my foot
like christmas
glass
shards digging
in multi-colors
into my feet
a crucifixion
blood streaming
down in perfect
lines of
red

run your tongue
along that line
of blood
kiss your way
up
i won't care

i am numb and
dead
there is nothing
left in my
head
just black
light that
creeps out
like a shadow
the shadow of
a monster that
you can't look
at too long
before you
start screaming

your hands are
on my legs
running along
the scars
not very many
i do not flinch

my flesh is cold
it turns to
ice underneath
your hands
i can feel the
cold spreading
can feel
it in my heart
my breath comes
out in a white fog
the kind you
breath on windows
so you can
trace your initials
there
in a crooked heart
with his name in
it

i don't have
anyone
just you
touching me
i don't mind
you touch me
between my legs
and i don't feel
anything
just ice
no fiery warmth
that makes
me want to
moan and
purr like a
languid cat
just ice

nails are driven
into my wrists
the red slicing
down in drops
that freeze
in the air
like snow
only the wrong
color
want to take
those nails out?
i won't wince
i promise i
won't

sprays of
blood paint
my arms
bile runs
down my hand
still want me?
don't turn away
don't
you started this
now finish

you kiss my
mouth and i
don't kiss back
your lips are soft
then hard
pleading for a
response
i won't
the back of my
throat aches
hurts
i start coughing
coughing so
hard blood
covers my hand in
a fine spray

there's blood on
you
sorry

i can't help it
i can't love you
when you touch
me all i feel
is the razor blade
when you put
your hand between
my legs all i
feel is that knife
the one that i took
from my parents
and shoved up
between me
when you kiss
my lips all
i feel is my nails
scratching at the
back of my throat

all i am
the blood and
the vomit and
the smell of charred
flesh
there's no room
for you
i'm sorry

please
give me a bath
so i can be clean
wash off the red
paint
scrape
it from underneath
my fingernails
taste my lips
painted with vomit
and blood

i can't love
you but you
can love me

isn't that all right?