Text

that same
flower white
lilies pale
on a gravestone
mama hides
her face in her
hands
daddy stands
black faced with
his hands in
cruel fists

sister left us
in a pool of
blood
i slipped
in it
getting blood
all over my
blue prom
dress
(i still haven't
been able
to wash the
stain out)

the straight
edge razor blade
in a still hand
eyes half open
in a perpetual
stare
mouth an o
of almost surprise
(could she feel her
life slipping out
of her body)

blood staining
the walls her
final goodbye
black filth
halo on
her head
no goodbye
note
(even virginia
woolf left one)
i feel i am
going mad again
the slippery edge
of sanity
out of reach

i lay there in
her cold blood
and the tears
wouldn't come
they lay tight
against the
back of my eyes
sparkling
dead eyes gleaming
a black intelligence
to me
taste of bile at the
back of my throat

sit in the tub
turn the hot water
on
my blue prom
dress getting
soaked (blood
sets in hot water)
scrub at my hands
feel the pinch
of numbness
in my face

silvery blade
lying in my hands
it gleams up
at me
innocuous
raving mad
cunt
(oh god the blood
is matted in her
hair)
run that smiling
sharp blade
along the inner
side of my
arm
(mixing blood with
blood)

the gasp of
surprise
(i can't breath
she)
put my eyes
out with a stick
so i can't
see her
anymore

sticky hands
weeping wrists
in a hot bath
the blood rushing
to my head
i'm suddenly
nauseous
i throw up all
over the pale
pink corsage
(he pinned it on
me ever so gently)
the blood
streaming from
my mouth (i
learned well from
you sister)
remember my
fingers rammed
down my throat
that morning

stand up
(nails pounded
into the hands)
take a towel
the crimson
seeping into
it
making odd
patterns that
make my mouth
go dry
feel the dizziness
pound
at my head
blade slips from
my hand

it all goes
black
i come to and
i am wearing black
sister's funeral
the black casket
in the ground
the sound of dirt
hitting
it
(she's really dead)

oh god
i can feel
the wounds in
my wrists

white lilies ease
her off to sleep
goodbye