Text

studying myself
naked
before a mirror
watching the empty
space between my
thighs
judging how much
has been lost
(or gained)
hand pressed
flat against
the mirror
hoping to crack
it open so that
a new thin me
drifts out in a
red rain

the bird eats
the moth and i
eat myself
i dine on my
wasted flesh
savoring the
taste of hunger
like air
breathe in the
strange air
and breathe out
the fetid smell
of death

place my hands
on the hipbones
that jut out
and feel them
solid
i am real
(but i don't want
to be)

my face is all
angles and large
eyes
that peer out from
dark circles
the blood red mouth
and skeletal smirk
'i will be thin and
the world can't get
me down'
i will be tossed into
the air and float
like a butterfly
delicate wings
(soon to be torn
by naughty children)

when i was fifteen when
i was fifteen the sun
turned black and
the chill in the air
froze my emotions
into odd stiff shapes
that shattered
as they fell

i can circle my
upper arm with
my fingers
(they do not touch)
and i smile as i can
go higher each week
each day
when the whir
in my head
blots out the sun
and the thoughts
take on a life of
their own

little nazi parading
in my head
beautiful thin lithe
a goddess of
perfection (her
canine teeth show
in her smile)
blonde hair and
skin as pale as
snow
(all i am is brown
skin and brown hair)
shout out the
orders and i march
to the beat of your
drum
run up the stairs
run down the stairs
up down
breath wheezes in
and out as i frantically
exercise sweat beading
on my brow

little tin god
how i love thee
i threw out all my
coupons and all
i have left is air
i drink air eat
air and breathe it
one day i will
become it

little devils
horned gods
flicking their smooth
tales and showing
me their blank eyes
take me to
the underworld where
i belong

sulfur air and
damp wet hair that
sticks to my face
is that hell or only
my bedroom where i
run in place redfaced deep into
the night
run away from the dream
i will never wake up
from

they sent a black snake
down my throat
it had a single eye
a big black eye that
stared at me and
showed me the way

i had a meal today
and the black snake
took it today
i sat down before
a bowl of pills and
drank and drank
and drank until
the world turned
fuzzy and black
touched the edges
of the picture

black snake
please don't take
it away